Clear Leadership
In this insightful interview with Dr Nora Koslowski from EVEN, we dive into effective strategies for managing workplace conflict, balancing relationship dynamics, and improving communication. Whether you're dealing with tense meetings or tricky feedback conversations, these actionable tips—like using the Experience Cube —can make a real difference.
Watch the full interview to hear my take, or read the summary below for the key highlights.
Managing Relationship and Content Issues in Conflict
One of the first considerations in conflict resolution is distinguishing between relationship issues and content issues. These often intertwine, making it essential to prevent one from contaminating the other.
Recognising the Dynamics
Imagine being in a meeting where someone makes a personal jab, such as implying you’re unprepared. This scenario might hint at underlying tensions. Separating relationship dynamics from the substantive problem requires mental discipline:
Acknowledge Emotional Reactions: Recognise your body's signals (e.g., fight, flight, or freeze) without immediately reacting.
Focus on the Issues at Hand: Identify the relationship dynamic and substantive content. Can the relationship issue be temporarily set aside to address the main concern?
Addressing Relationship Dynamics
If a relationship issue surfaces, consider this approach:
Acknowledge the Comment: Say, "I noticed you've mentioned my commitment. We should discuss this— whether now or later."
Evaluate Objectivity: Decide whether you can proceed with the main issue or if the relationship matter must be resolved first.
The Impact of Communication Clarity
Gervase Bushe's concept of Interpersonal Clarity offers a valuable perspective for Clear Leadership, contrasting it with what he terms Interpersonal Mush. Bush’s ideas align with Brené Brown’s quote: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
The Problem with Interpersonal Mush
This occurs when communication is indirect or insincere:
In a meeting, attendees might offer superficial praise instead of constructive feedback.
Criticism or dissatisfaction is shared in side conversations rather than directly with the person involved.
This behaviour fosters misunderstandings and unresolved tension, especially in emotionally charged situations.
A Framework for Clear Leadership: The Experience Cube
The Experience Cube, inspired by Bush's work, is a simple yet effective model for transparent communication. It breaks down experiences into four dimensions:
Observations – What you notice
Thoughts – What you’re thinking
Feelings – How you’re feeling
Wants – What you desire
Applying the Experience Cube
Sharing Your Perspective: Communicate each of these components clearly, speaking from the ‘I’. For example: “I observed X, this made me think Y, I feel Z, and I’d like A.”
Engaging Others: Encourage counterparts to share their observations, thoughts, feelings, and wants.
This model promotes efficient communication, eliminates judgement, and fosters mutual understanding. It exemplifies the principle that clarity in conversation is not only considerate but ultimately productive.
Practical Benefits
Many who adopt the Experience Cube report faster and more meaningful dialogue. It also helps avoid pitfalls such as attributions, blame, or misjudgements, ensuring conversations remain focused and constructive.
When managing conflicts or difficult conversations, clarity and a structured approach can transform interactions, fostering both resolution and stronger relationships.
Learn more:
If you’d like to explore more about Clear Leadership and effective communication skills, please check out my programs or contact me to discuss further.
